So what is the best way?

Over the past couple of days a reader and I have been going back and forth about my last post. Our conversation was cut short but there was one thing they said that struck home with me and frankly I’ve been stuck on it ever since I read it.

They had a number of good points but the biggest one:

You seem to be more focused on your right to call other people assholes than on finding the best way to rid society of religious and/or homophobic zealots. Since you seem to be unwilling to discuss,  let alone consider, other less swearword-based ways to convert idiots like Eich to more rational, tolerant people, I am probably also within my right to categorise you as an asshole, too.


Earlier in our conversation I mentioned that anyone who pushes their beliefs on wether someone else can get married or not is an asshole…basically I said asshole a lot.

After reading that sentence it struck me that calling someone an asshole (even if they are being one) in this context is clearly not the best way to convince the person or others like them into changing their ways or even possibly considering it.

But now I’ve been thinking.  What is the best way?

Whenever I find out someone I know is against gay rights the first thing I usually do is..well..react with disbelief.  If I’m not struck speechless I’ll ask them if they know what year it is, if they have any clue how backwards their beliefs are and while I don’t call them an asshole to their face I’m sure my facial expression shows what I think of them.

Really I have no clue what the answer is.  How do you react to finding out someone you know and maybe love is against gay rights in a way that can possibly sway them the other way when there’s a good chance their beliefs are just as deeply embedded as mine are?

Over the past few days I’ve been closely following this story.

The Cliff’s Notes version is that the CEO of Mozilla, the company behind Firefox, donated to the asshats who wanted to ban gay marriage in California a few years ago.  The news of this breaks, a bunch of people start to reject Firefox (including one of their biggest supporters), the CEO then resigns and the internet cheers.

This was important to me on many levels, not just because I support gay marriage but because I make websites.  I had even started putting the code in place that would direct anyone using Firefox and visiting this site or the Masocast to a page explaining why they should switch browsers and would in fact prevent them from using the site until they did so from a different browser.  This isn’t an original idea since a bunch of others had already started doing this very thing but I wanted to do my part.  Thankfully that’s one less thing I have on my todo list now.

The interesting thing about the story is how some are now claiming it’s a loss for free speech.  I disagree, we’re not saying he can’t be an asshole, we’re saying we’re not going to use a product, or in some cases allow the product to be used on our websites, if the CEO of that product is an asshole when it comes to some very basic human rights issues that you’d have to be an asshole not to support.

But that’s not the only story about equality, companies and assholes this week.  Here’s another that makes me want to go buy a ton of graham crackers.


About a year ago Sade and I came up with a game plan. Or rather I came up with a hairbrained scheme and Sade let me go through with it.

Here was the plan.

I’d bust my ass for a year or so, saving up for a kick-ass European honeymoon and it would also bring in some additional work to give us a buffer in the event we had an emergency. I wanted to start off our married life on the right foot. I’d work insanely hard and it would pay off.

Well it did and it didn’t.

I did work hard this past year. Especially the last 8 months. I’ve been working every day and every night. Day-job and the freelancing at night every night and every weekend while doing the podcast in what little free time I had.

It started out good enough but starting in June I had a ton of medical bills that kept piling up and continue to do so. I emptied my health savings account and almost every extra penny I made from freelance work.
 While I do have health insurance, it’s shitty health insurance and just barely better than no health insurance.

So…nothing left for the honeymoon.


Countless nights I worked when Sade and I had a movie night. By that I mean I sat with a laptop while Sade watch a movie.

How many walks in a park did I miss because I had to work.

These last two weeks especially I’ve been down. The wave of lost time and the realizations that I could have been enjoying with her have been lost forever.

The whole time I kept saying to myself it would pay off that I’d be able to look back at all that hard work and smile walk walking hand-in-hand with the love of my life on our honeymoon in Amsterdam, Berlin, Paris and on and on.

So now my only plan is to bust my ass for another year and hope I can take give her the honeymoon I wanted to for a 1st year anniversary gift.


Meanwhile Sade has been understanding, supportive and full of love. How the hell she can be this way while I’m filled with rage over breaking the promise I made to her is beyond me.

I owe her ten honeymoons.

I’m In Trouble

I’m in trouble.

Just a little over 3 months from now Sade and I are getting married.

That’s not the trouble part.

The closer we get the more overwhelmed with emotion I get. You see I’m really a softie…really..a hopeless romantic. Sade actually makes me swoon. Really…physically swoon. Swoon!

Stop reading now unless you can stomach some serious cheese. I recognize that.

So why am I in trouble?

We’re writing our own vows.

This is trouble in two forms. The first is that I don’t have the words to explain how I feel. There aren’t words. Maybe in some strange alien language. Maybe it’s “Gleep Glorp” from the planet Fremutron 5 in the Dacor sector.

The other problem is, whenever I think about what to say, I get choked up. Misty eyed and emotional. I imagine standing next to her on our wedding day and I lose it.

So I’m completely stuck. Every time I try and think of the words I get emotional.

Lately I’ve been hearing this song in my mind when I think of it.

Yeah…see? How the fuck do I write vows when I can barely hold it together when I picture it in my mind?


Fuck fuck fuck

If I was a wealthy guy I’d do it this way:

I’d say..”Sade, I can best sum up my vows…in a song. Please welcome Mr Stevie Wonder!”

I’ll buy a lottery ticket just in case.

Meanwhile I’m racking my brain. How do you write wedding vows. How in the hell can I be expected to evoke the words that summarize how I feel about being her husband?

Step one is to overcome the emotion…then I can work on step two.