Tag Archive for 'Dating'

Is She In New York??

Published on February 7, 2009 in Thoughts. 17 Comments Tags: , , , .

While listening to the Savage Love podcast, I heard a woman complaining about the kink scene in her city.   She complained that most of the men were older, she didn’t find them attractive and the submissive men she tries to meet online don’t show up.

This is a common complaint for people I know here in New York, makes me wonder if she’s here or if this is a universal issue.

Click the link below to listen:

Savage Love

This brings up a good question:   Why aren’t there more younger people at kink events and BDSM clubs?

My first night in New York, I went to paddles and was surprised that I was by far the youngest person there and I was 29 at the time.

Why does the age seem to skew older?

Is there something that clicks inside someone’s mind when they reach a certain age where there willing to take a chance and explore?

The other thing she brings up in the call is how she gets stood-up by submissive guys she tries to meet online.   Speaking as someone who once drove more than 24 hours to meet a woman in hopes she’d want to play/fuck him, I can’t really understand this.   I think most of the guys are overcome by their fear and that makes them flake out in the last minute.    I can understand that fear.   Myabe the voice screaming from my cock is louder than the voice in my brain screaming in fear and that makes me show up anyway.

It should NOT be this hard for a woman to find what she needs.

50% Of Submissive Men Are Assfaces

Published on January 6, 2009 in Thoughts. 10 Comments Tags: .

I’m on some pretty powerful pain pills right now so forgive me if I blabber on and on more than normal.

So yeah, 50% of submissive men are assfaces. I may be aiming a bit low on this one.

I’ve been hearing a lot of stories lately about how submissive men won’t show up when they have the opportunity to meet a woman.

While having coffee with a Femdom couple over the weekend, one told me that she can guarantee that over half of all potential submissive men won’t even show up for an initial meeting.

Could it be that most of these guys looking to meet someone aren’t actually looking to meet someone?

Another example came from a woman I know who had been in contact with a submissive for months, they spoke on the phone and he constantly stated his interest in her, how deeply he wanted to be her slave and how devoted he was to her (before even meeting her, that made her a bit suspicious of course) and every time she mentioned meeting he’d start sounding vague. Back and forth this would go.

There have been times when I’ve talked to someone on the phone after a few emails then lost interest after a conversation. That’s sort of the point of a phone conversation. But standing someone up or constantly leading them on?

I can only imagine a few reasons why a guy would do this.

-I get the feeling that most like the idea of it, they like to think about it but when it comes down to actually having an experience, they soil their pants and run the other way.

-They’re married or otherwise involved.

-They may be looking for any kind of sex as long as it’s sex, they’re not really submissive they’re just horny and when it’s time to put up or shut up, they shut up.

-They’re ashamed of who they are. I know many submissive men who daydream about BDSM but when they’re faced with something real, they’re filled with shame or guilt.

-They get off on the chase. For them it’s knowing that they could if they wanted to. This isn’t isolated among submissive men, I know women who chase men only to lose interest once they know they can easily get what they want.

-They’re just plain assfaces.

From Client To Personal Fucktoy

Published on November 8, 2008 in Thoughts. 28 Comments Tags: , .

I’ve been encouraged to go to a Professional Dominatrix by a number of lifestyle friends. Not for the experience of playing with one but in the hopes that she would meet me and want to maker me her personal slave or boyfriend. I’ve talked about this subject before of course. Some have told me it’s a bad idea but many have proven that it actually does work. As I’ve mentioned before, a majority of submissive men I personally know in relationships, are former clients.

This subject popped in my brain again recently when a Pro I know mentioned it:

“I find that the BEST relationships are in fact those that go from client to personal. Because there is this anonymity that sessions allow and somehow encourage honesty. Then the bonds are slowly formed without any of the b.s. vanilla that tends to creep in and take away from what really forms that connection with the other person.”

Peridot Ash has me confused on the subject. In one post called “Angry About Clients Seeking Girlfriends” she writes:

“I told him the first time that I do not date my clients, and that includes dinner outside of sessions! Obviously he wasn’t listening when I said that he should keep trying the personals. When I said that it was not easy for me to find my boyfriend (I don’t really have a boyfriend, as you know, but it’s usually the only reason a man respects when it comes to you not wanting to date him), since most men would want me to quit and become their own personal 24/7 domina slave queen (hint, hint).”

Yet in another post she writes:

“Anyway, because he was so attractive, I did what many johns do when they fancy the looks of their paid companion: began conjuring up fantasies of dating, molding him into my perfect little submissive anal sex boy just because I thought he was attractive, not wondering at all about the life he leads in reality. But catching a glimpse of his wedding ring pretty much put a stop to my predatory thoughts.”

Speaking as someone who’d love to be molded into the perfect little submissive almost-any-kind-of-sex boy, my eyebrows raised a bit on this one.

I should say that I’m no where near being in a situation that would allow me to become a client or a boyfriend for that matter, but the day may come where I am. If that day ever does come I’ll have to consider becoming a client and hope that she’ll find me attractive enough to want to mold me.

You Say Goodbye, I Say Hello

Published on September 23, 2008 in Events and Thoughts. 14 Comments Tags: , , , , .

I was given a paradox recently.

How do you please a woman who is most pleased by you not trying to please her?

How does one play hard to get in order to attract a woman who would rather have a guy she needs to push into submission as opposed to a guy who’s dying to get on his knees from the start?

I find that there’s no middle of the road for me. When I’m confident, many just assume I’m dominant and when I’m eager to please I’m too submissive.

Surely there must be a middle spot somewhere. (and don’t call me Shirley).

I’ve been meeting some cool new people lately. People in and out of the lifestyle. Ok…Women in and out of the lifestyle. I seem to always wonder if it’s a date or if I’m just hanging out as a friend. I always go into it assuming friends and not displaying any kind of interest. It’s so much better that way. No hard feelings, not needing to worry about getting shot down or being too eager. After all, if she’s interested, hopefully she’ll indicate in some way right?

I’ve never been good at reading signals from women. I have no clue when they’re attracted to me unless they pretty much hold up a sign.

It is very easy to misread playful flirting for real sexual interest however. Especially in the kink scene.

A woman can grab a guys package in leu of a handshake or a hug to say hello and it probably only means “hello” (It’s happened on a number of occasions). Because of this I’ve learned to tune out just about every form of flirting. I think the only way I’ll get the hint from here on is if a woman grabs me and says “I really want to fuck you. I’m dead serious. No… really. I’m not kidding here. See? This is me giving you my number. Here is the address of where my bed is. This is not a dream, this is actually happening.”.

I’ve found myself giving advice to a number of women lately. Specifically about dating submissive men. I always try to give the best advice I can, though I’m not exactly an expert on the subject. My most trying conversation was when a poly friend was complaining about not being able to find a third partner.

I’ll type that part again:

She was complaining about not being able to find a third partner.

Isn’t that like complaining to a homeless guy about not being able to find a good vacation home?

Dominant Triggers

Published on March 27, 2008 in Thoughts. 17 Comments Tags: , , .

A while ago I wrote about some of my physical submissive triggers.

Of course these triggers don’t mean a thing if a woman doesn’t want to dominate me in the first place.

Debauchette recently wrote about someone she knows who brings out the dominance in women.

“Andrew had the tendancey to bring out the dominant side in women. He certainly brings out all of my own dominant impulses”.

I suppose this makes sense. There are qualities a woman can have that make me want to submit to her, make it impossible for me not to want to please her.

This begs (and I do mean begs) the question: What aspects of a guy make you want to tear into him?

I know a number of women who are attracted to very vanilla guys, the thought of corrupting them turns them on. Others like to dominate aggressive guys in order to put them in their place. Both of those examples are the opposite of who I am.

It would be nice if a potentially dominant woman had a road sign on her head so I could know how to navigate to bring that out of her.

“OK, if I take a right turn at being aloof and a left at being cocky you’ll want to fuck me until we pass out, BUT if I head south on shy avenue you’ll want to do that and fuck me with a strap-on after whipping me to tears.”

So what does it for you? What brings out your dominance?

Someone Shy? Coy? Eager To Please? An alpha male you want to put in his place?

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