Events

You Say Goodbye, I Say Hello

· September 23, 2008 · Events, Thoughts · , , , , · 14 Comments

I was given a paradox recently.

How do you please a woman who is most pleased by you not trying to please her?

How does one play hard to get in order to attract a woman who would rather have a guy she needs to push into submission as opposed to a guy who’s dying to get on his knees from the start?

I find that there’s no middle of the road for me. When I’m confident, many just assume I’m dominant and when I’m eager to please I’m too submissive.

Surely there must be a middle spot somewhere. (and don’t call me Shirley).

I’ve been meeting some cool new people lately. People in and out of the lifestyle. Ok…Women in and out of the lifestyle. I seem to always wonder if it’s a date or if I’m just hanging out as a friend. I always go into it assuming friends and not displaying any kind of interest. It’s so much better that way. No hard feelings, not needing to worry about getting shot down or being too eager. After all, if she’s interested, hopefully she’ll indicate in some way right?

I’ve never been good at reading signals from women. I have no clue when they’re attracted to me unless they pretty much hold up a sign.

It is very easy to misread playful flirting for real sexual interest however. Especially in the kink scene.

A woman can grab a guys package in leu of a handshake or a hug to say hello and it probably only means “hello” (It’s happened on a number of occasions). Because of this I’ve learned to tune out just about every form of flirting. I think the only way I’ll get the hint from here on is if a woman grabs me and says “I really want to fuck you. I’m dead serious. No… really. I’m not kidding here. See? This is me giving you my number. Here is the address of where my bed is. This is not a dream, this is actually happening.”.

I’ve found myself giving advice to a number of women lately. Specifically about dating submissive men. I always try to give the best advice I can, though I’m not exactly an expert on the subject. My most trying conversation was when a poly friend was complaining about not being able to find a third partner.

I’ll type that part again:

She was complaining about not being able to find a third partner.

Isn’t that like complaining to a homeless guy about not being able to find a good vacation home?

Overheard In BDSM

· September 16, 2008 · Events · , · 40 Comments

I’m not sure if you’re familiar with Overheard In New York or not. Its an additive site.

Over the past few months I’ve been collecting some choice things I’ve heard in this silly, kinky life of mine. Some aren’t odd as much as they are phrases that remind me I’m not anywhere near the farm that I grew up on.

-‘”Sorry, leather pants don’t count as fetish unless you take your shirt off” (That was actually what I was told at Byte this past Sunday night.)

-“It smells like cock in here.”

-“I don’t want a boy to be my bitch, I want a man to be my bitch”

-“What I would give to have a submissive man here now” (This was said while I was standing right next to her)

-“I’d totally fuck that nun.”

-“I know you’re not into guys, but what if a dominant woman ordered you to go down on me?”

-“This will be the most hardcore BDSM party you’ve ever been to”
Me: “Really? Will there be nudity and sex?”
“No, We’ll be serving alcohol”.

-“She’s very submissive as long as you do what she wants you to do.”

-“He looks better in a dress than I do.” (woman talking to a friend)

-(Woman telling me what she’s looking for) “I’m submissive so I just want a man to clean for me.”

-Woman:”These heels are killing me.”
Random guy walks up to her: “May I give you a foot massage Mistress?”
Woman:”Go away.”

-Guy talking to me about my best friend:”Is she dominant?”
Me:Yes
Guy:”Are you her slave?”
Me:”No.”
Guy:”Why are you hanging around with her then”?
Me:”She’s my best friend”.
Guy:”But she’s dominant!!”

-Woman:”Sorry, I’m looking for a man much dirtier than you”
Me:”I can be dirty.”
Woman:”No, I mean physically.”

-Friend giving me the recap of her date:”He had the smallest penis I’ve ever seen. And I’ve seen a lot.
Me:”Wow that’s bad, I’m sorry.”
Friend:”No, I mean I’ve seen a LOT”

Some Goodies And A Rant

· August 24, 2008 · Events, Links · , , · 5 Comments

Just a few items for you this post:

-If you liked part one, maybe you’d like to read how it looked from her eyes. Silly how she can write half as many words but it sounds twice as hot from her perspective. Reading her write about it makes me blush and gives me a big boost of confidence. I love being thought of as a gift for someone. MVX…Sigh.

-I won’t be able to make it to Dark Odyssey, this year. My funds are more than a little tight these days and I can’t justify paying for it when I could be spending my cash elsewhere. My hunt for a new job has started, it’s slim pickings for a man of my talents. If only NPR was hiring.

-Speaking of radio. I’m shopping around for some podcasting equipment. I hope to have something going by the end of the year. Basically just casual talk about kink. If you or anyone you know is open to sitting down and having your voice broadcast to the masses in a free-from exchange of ideas, let me know.

-While in France, I found the opposite of Found Femdom:

Blech
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-Someone must have emailed the wrong person because I’ve been accidentally invited to join BestSexBloggers.com. Who knew?

-Floating World had its ups and downs. On the plus side I got to see my friend Yin give a presentation. I wish more presentations had that kind of energy to them, classes are so much better when the teacher is having fun and is really into the subject at hand. I also saw my first presentation on CBT from Suzanne SxySadist, it’s made me even more curious about CBT. That was the upside to FW.

The downside was the fact that they didn’t have a professional ASL translator on hand. They had someone who knew about as much American Sign Language as I know (not nearly enough) and this is a problem considering my best friend Bondage Freaky is Deaf and only went because she knew they would have a professional there. PLEASE people, I beg of you, don’t over-promise and under-deliver when it comes to things like that! The guaranteed way to piss me off is to upset a friend of mine. I’ve cooled down (a bit) since then but I’m damn sure I’m going to quadruple-check to make sure everything is up to par with all future events she goes to.

I’ll say this again so there’s no misunderstanding: Floating World is a great event, the presenters are above and beyond, the people you’ll meet there are fan-damn-tastic and the organizers really seem to have it all put together well. BUT….. they really messed up on getting an appropriate ASL translator. I shouldn’t need to explain why having a good translator compared to an OK translator is important, but I will. It’s the difference between reading about a football game in the newspaper where you can only understand every other printed word and sitting on the fifty-yard line live at the same game.

Ok…end of rant.

I’m gonna go read MVX again to put myself in a good mood.

Sigh

TESFest Recap

· July 7, 2008 · Events · , , , , , · 15 Comments

I just walked in the door from TESFest.

A few highlights:

-I learned I can’t go to a CBT class for a number of reasons. I have no desire to see another guys junk, I’m a bit uncomfortable seeing others in pain and part of me starts to feel a bit jealous.

-At nights I would walk though the dungeon area for a few minutes to see if there were any women who looked like they wanted to play but everyone I was attracted to was busy tying someone up, getting tied up or standing with her boyfriend so I went to the bar for a beer. Rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat.

–Tilda seems to get cooler every time I see her. Any woman who owns leather converse is a rock star in my book. I tend to “borrow” her confidence whenever I’m around her.

-My best friend bought her first bit of hemp rope from Jocasta. She found two boys to practice on and was beaming after every time she played. Her favorite class was presented by Boymeat and is now planning on getting into electro play.

-One woman (whom I’m always feeling shy around for some reason) suggested I buy a cock ring. I never would have done it but when an attractive woman suggests it and even takes you to the vending area to buy it, one can hardly resist. I was a bit embarrassed when she was talking to the venders about it but was also trying to cover up my obvious arousal.

-I managed to walk by another one of my good friends as she was beating some guy up in the dungeon. It looked so intense I was surprised everyone else didn’t just stop and watch. Normally I’m busy trying to make her laugh, now I’m starting to think I need to get her angry.

–Lolita may have sensed my desperation because she went out of her way to talk me up to one very attractive woman. For a second I thought she may have actually been interested until I realized she had her submissive with her already. Still, it was nice feeling while it lasted. Lolita is the only person I know who could have pulled off being my “wingman” while wearing Mickey Mouse ears. Note to self: Find out how Lolita got her superpowers.

–Calico pinched my butt as I walked by one morning! I thanked her for it of course and was tempted to keep walking by her every time I saw her.

-Rita Seagrave is awesome-tastic. I’ve never been to a presentation like hers before. Can we get an All-Rita cable channel?

–Viviane suggested I take a class on seduction. I’ve never had bad advice from her so I took it. The presenter offered some good advice even though I felt like most of the stuff would work better for me if I were dominant. I did notice a few things I’m doing wrong and perhaps things I need to cover up about my personality. I’ll write more about that later.

-I’ve had a number of emails asking if I used any condoms over the weekend. I have them for sale if anyone wants to buy some unused condoms. They’re out of the box so I’ll offer a discount. I’d return them to the drugstore but I doubt they’d give me a refund, maybe store credit.

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TESFest. Do I Pack Condoms?

· July 3, 2008 · Events · , , · 19 Comments

Originally I was going to be in Europe for my Euro-Kink-Tour-Sextravaganza but that’s been pushed off to early next month. Good news is that I get to spend time with friends at TesFest. It’s basically and entire hotel filled with only kinky people.

I’m looking forward to it. I’m sharing a room with two other friends. Two attractive women and myself. Jealous???? They’re in beds and I’m on the floor.

I’ve gone to Black Rose, Floating World, MAST and a few other similar events and if TESFest is anything like those I know not to go with any expectations other than having a good time socializing and making new friends. That’s not a bad thing of course, but I have a totally different set of expectations. I was talking to one female buddy who has a different set of expectations:

Friend: “I can’t wait! I’m going to have so much sex with so many cool people! I already have 5 play dates setup.”

Me: “Good for you!”

Friend: “How many play dates do you have set up?”

Me:……………….

Friend:”Oh”

It feels weird to look at the community area and see that they have a special section just for making play dates. Play dates (one assumes) are basically hookups. People will post what kinky things they’re into and hope that someone will respond with interest . It’s really very… interesting.

Everyone I talk to keeps talking about how huge and elaborate the dungeon will be. I’m sure it will be very cool. I’m just happy that the hotel has a bar.

Do I pack condoms? Packing condoms would basically be an admission that I’m not only hoping to have sex but planning on having sex. Bringing condoms means your planning to have sex. If I bring condoms and don’t have sex then the condoms will be a reminder of the fact that I didn’t have sex yet I was planning on it. It’s a failed plan. However, if I don’t bring condoms and don’t have sex I can always say “oh well, it’s no biggie, I didn’t bring condoms anyway”.

It’s like when I was 16 and carried the same condom in my wallet for over a year. Eventually it made a permanent ring in the leather of my wallet and it eventually became a constant reminder of my not being able to find someone up for using it with me. I ended up throwing the wallet and the unused condom away out of frustration.

I’m debating on the condoms. Either way TESFest should be a good time.

After all, they have beer! Fingers crossed that they have Brooklyn Lager on tap.

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