Events

Leather Pride Weekend, But I’m Not Proud

· June 20, 2008 · Events · , · 12 Comments

Warning: This post contains more bitching and moaning. Don’t continue reading unless you’re willing to put up with more complaining.

It’s Leather Pride weekend!

I really don’t know what Leather Pride is supposed to be. I mean, I know what it’s supposed to be but I have no clue how I’m supposed to feel it.

I know why others feel pride about the lifestyle and good for them. I’m happy for them. I just can’t relate.

My desire to find a dominant woman for either casual play or something more is a constant source of stress, sadness, frustration and tears. I don’t think I’ve ever felt pride.

I’ve felt leather thankful before. Thankful for the good friends I’ve made. It’s not Leather Thanksgiving however.

I’ve started to get angry at myself for needing this. Angry at myself for having such a deep desire for everything in that last post of mine.

Let’s be honest, it’s not going to happen.

I might as well write a fantasy about winning the lottery on the same day I cure cancer while having sex with my wife, Adriana Lima.

I know what some of you will say right now “No, it won’t happen with that attitude” and you would be right. When I’m happy and optimistic it doesn’t happen either so what’s the difference?

There are times when I want to stop writing here until something happens that’s worth writing about. Part of me feels guilty for always writing about how shitty I feel. I sometimes get worried that I’m annoying readers with all of my bitching and complaining.

Maybe I’ll put up a survey and pose that very question. If I shouldn’t write another word until something happens and until then just stop.

From Wikipedia:

“Pride is an emotion which refers to a strong sense of self respect, a refusal to be humiliated as well as joy in the accomplishments of oneself or a person, group, nation or object that one identifies with.”

I can read the words and it makes sense but the feeling just isn’t there for me.

I will be going to Folsom Street East on Sunday. Doing my best to keep my chin up.

TesFest

· June 9, 2008 · Events, Thoughts · , · 4 Comments

Originally I was going to be out of town during TES Fest. My Euro-Kink-Tour-Sextravaganza was going to kick off that same weekend.

Plans change.

I’ve had to push the trip back a few weeks and so now I can go to TES Fest after all.

I was debating if I should go or not. On one hand I know I’ll have lots of friends there, on the other hand sometimes watching people play while I fake a smile on my face is a bit uncomfortable.

One of my best friends who I usually go to events like this is still not sure if she can go. Then another good friend emailed me asking if I wanted to split a room. I knew if she was going I’d be guaranteed to have a good time. Fingers crossed my other good friend will be able to go too.

And so….I’m going.

Looking over the class schedule I see that there are some classes that really interest me on a perv level but know seeing them would make me want it even more. It will depend on my mood. Sometimes I’ll be at a presentation and wish I had a girlfriend sitting next to me whispering how she can’t wait to try it on me when we get home.

Here a few classes that make me squirm:

House of Bondage
Metal Bondage
Suspension for Everyone
Using Long whips in SM play
Core Protocol Construction
Evolution of Service
Whole Body SM

Crap I could go on and on. Classes on CBT, anal play, even oral worship.

If you’re going, hopefully our paths will cross. It sounds like it’ll be a fun weekend!

Table For Seven Please

· May 30, 2008 · Events, Thoughts · , · 9 Comments

I’ve got six of my close friends from back home coming to visit for the weekend.

Three married couples.

The seven of us used to spend a lot of time together and this will be the first time in five years we’ve all been in the same place at the same time.

Back in the midwest they were constantly hounding me because I was always single, only having sexual flings. )Now, five years later, nothing has changed.

I almost feel like this would be a good cheesy date movie. You know the kind, where I hire a woman to pose as my girlfriend in front of my friends and she falls for me in the end.

So, we’ll walk all over Manhattan this weekend. They’ve asked me to go to the usual places I hang out but you and I know I can’t really take them where I’d usually hang out.

They’ll meet my new NYC friends, all of my close ones who know about me, the real me. They’ll probably have some questions, why I’m still single and my friends in-the-know will give me a smile and make up some excuse on my behalf.

I love my friends from back home, but the idea of a submissive guy looking for a dominant woman would probably be a bit much for them so I’ll keep it to myself as I always have. A good friend suggested I take them to SMACK on Saturday night and just tell them that it’s what all NYC parties are like. I might, I’ll judge the vibe.

We’ll eat a lot, debate politics (finally I can be a liberal with a home court advantage), drink many beers and laugh until we cry. They women will go to a broadway show and the guys will go have drinks on their behalf. The guys will ask about my sexual conquests and I’ll give them a few stories while leaving out my favorite parts. We’ll have a good time.

It will be great to see them. I’ve missed them. Maybe seeing three happily married vanilla couples will rub some of the vanilla off on me.

Two Kink Events In One Night

· May 6, 2008 · Events · · 7 Comments

One of my best friends and I headed out to a couple of kink events Sunday night.

Many of the monthly kink oriented events are held on Sunday nights. The only reason I can imagine is because it’s cheaper to get a bar on a Sunday night as opposed to Friday or Saturday nights. Again, just a guess. Otherwise it doesn’t make any sense.

The first place we went to was The Baroness party. The Baroness is a latex clothing shop in NYC so many of the people are normally wearing latex. It was quiet at first but slowly started to pick up around 10. Nice people, a few women commented on the strappy heels my friend was wearing. They were very friendly and nice but we decided to leave just after 10 to see if things were more active at Cat O Nine. Granted, things don’t usually start to pick up at these parties until closer to ten but we decided to hedge our bets and try for plan B since my friend had never been to Cat O Nine.

The first thing that surprised me about Cat O Nine was that they advertised the price to get in as:

Dommes: $10
Fetish Gear: $15
Street Rags: $20

When we got to the venu my friend and I were told it would be 15 each.

“But she’s a Domme”, I said.

“Pro Dommes pay $10”, I was told.

I wast tempted to tell my friend I’d give her a nickle to punch me in the arm so she’d be considered a pro, but I wasn’t in a position to argue. Plus my friend didn’t seem upset about it, she just thought it was silly. I need to take a lesson from her and not sweat the small stuff.

What I was thinking: “Are you fucking kidding me”?

What I said: “Oh, Ok, seems kinda silly but…”

Is this how we encourage dominant women in the lifestyle? Maybe I’m not understanding the mentality behind it. It’s not uncommon for women to pay less than men since most places want to encourage women (especially the dominant ones) to go to events. The price was clearly listed at “Dommes”, not “Pro Dommes”.

Of course this was the same place that once charged me full price because the doorman told me my leather pants weren’t considered fetish wear, “latex only” I was told. At least they finally realized leather was fetish as well.

Yeah, I know I’m making a stink over a measly $5. Not to mention I often remind myself that I moved to New York specifically because there weren’t any events where I call home (the mid-west). I should be thankful that I live in a place that at least has kink events.

As soon as we walked in I saw something that made me a very happy boy. Beer on tap. After seeing this, I was no longer upset about paying extra the non-pro-dome tax. Oh how times have changed. When I first moved here I’d arrive at an event and if there weren’t any dominant women I thought I had a chance with I’d just turn around and go home. Now I’m just thankful for the simple things.

I Ended up having some good conversations with a few submissive guys (there were plenty to talk to). We talked about the scene in europe and I got some great notes on where to go for kink overseas. One guy made it sound like events in europe are totally different than they are here. he told tales of events were it’s not unheard of for women to approach submissive men.

One guy came up to me and asked where all the dominant women were. I used my old standby that someone told me once, “They’re all at home with their submissives”.

My friend, being an attractive dominant woman, was getting a lot of attention. Some of the attention was unwanted so there were a few times I needed to step in and save the day. Time and time again I see the kinds of submissive men that give submissive men a bad name. It makes me wonder if sometimes I’m viewed as one of the bad ones.

All in all, both events were worth it just because I had a chance to socialize, be around others like me and hang out with a good friend.

Sometimes it’s nice just to remember you’re not alone.

Super Fuck-Off Shield

· March 20, 2008 · Events, Thoughts · , , · 21 Comments

The Super Fuck-Off Shield

That’s what one dominant woman I know calls it.

It’s the look she gives guys when she wants the creepy ones to stay away from her when she’s at a kink event. She admits that it probably keeps the non creepy ones away as well.

I have one friend who has perfected the Super Fuck-Off Shield so well that she can make a guy turn around as he’s approaching her with one look.

The strange thing is, I’ve seen women put up the shield and then later hear them complain that there aren’t any good submissive men to play with.

So how does one convey interest to play without projecting the creep factor?

A dominant friend posed this question recently and she didn’t know the answer. It’s one of those you-know-it-when-you-see-it kinda things.

When I first moved to New York I was horrible at approaching dominant women at kink events. I’d walk up to someone, introduce myself, offer to buy them a drink and when I brought it to them it was like I wasn’t even there. They’d take the drink and move on.

I was apparently creeping them out.

I never made the mistake of doing what some guys do and just walk up to a woman and ask if I can worship her feet or if she wanted to play with me. I knew that part was creepy.

After a few drink-and-disappear situations, I decided it was best to just not approach at all. After all, not approaching gives me the same result as approaching and I get to save my beer money if I don’t approach.

Economics wins again!

There have been times when I’ve stumbled into a conversation or two and I always wonder how to broach the subject of playing but never did.

I thing it would always come out sounding like this:

“Yeah I know, that sub-prime mortgage thing is messed up. So do you want to beat me or something?”

Or

“Soooooo…yeah…..umm… is there anything you’d like to do…to me??? Or…on me?”

Or

“Hmm you know what? I’ll bet you a dollar you can’t beat me until I’m a puddle on the floor. C’mon, put you money where your mouth is. I probably have 45 cents in my pocket right now that says you can’t.”

Either way I sound like a tool.

I know the trick to getting vanilla women. Vanilla women are easy, just act like you have options or that you could care less and that’s pretty much it. It makes me sound like a total ass I know. I only learned this after I gave up dating vanilla women and trying to introduce them to the joys of a submissive guy. As soon as I gave up and stopped caring, they started showing interest.

It doesn’t work that way with dominant women at kink events.

Probably because they have options and could care less.

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