“I’m Still An Asshole” or “Am I Normal?”

You know how I complain about not getting emails on those kinky dating sites? Well I got one and it reminded me of why I’m an asshole:

From Her: So how kinky are you? Answer me NOW!

Me: I’m probably kinkier than most, for the right person.

Her: You WILL add me to your favorites list, NOW!

Me: I usually don’t respond well to this type of tone. I may be submissive but I’m not submissive to everyone who calls herself dominant. Wouldn’t you want to get to know me first before ordering me around? Wouldn’t you want to see if I’m the kind of person you want to order around or do you actually speak this way to everyone in the world submissive or not?

Her: Sorry, i really meant no disrespect. I was wrong. i was feeling angry and i took it out on you. please accept my sincere apology. i actually don’t speak to anyone in that tone. if you think we could start again, i would be interested in learning more about you. if you don’t, i truly understand.

We continued chatting and that’s pretty much it. I was nice but not really interested.

So, why am I an asshole? Because if I had been attracted to her she could have said pretty much anything and I would have played along.

Attractive her: Your mother’s a whore.
Me: HA! You’re not kidding. Are you busy later?

Attractive her: I’m voting for McCain.
Me: Ok I’ll fuck. But only because you people don’t believe in pulling out. (Of countries or vaginas).

Not much else going on though. Having beer with Badman led to an interesting adventure. Before you get your hopes up, there wasn’t any sex involved or anything but it was fun. I’m starting to wonder if most people play and don’t have sex. Maybe I’m normal. Do most people have some mild BDSM play but never any sex along with it? If that’s the way it is I’m gonna sue for false advertising.

It’s been so long since I’ve had sex if my cock actually came close to a naked woman it would start to wonder if it was on one of those hidden camera shows like Punked or Candid Camera.

I’ve moved beyond desperation though, I’ve settled into just accepting that it is what it is and being pissed off about it. There are people who fuck and people who jerk off. If I had a corporate sponsor for this summer it would have been some company that makes lube. The way things are shaping up I could have signed a two year sponsorship deal with KY.

I’m just going with the flow, not looking online anymore. I’m having just as much sex now as I did when I was spending eight hours a day looking for it in every way I could.

So, here it is Friday night and since I’m not going to a swingers party I was curious about ($150 for single men) I’m staying home and currently cleaning the apartment.

Sexy huh?

For the near future it still seems I have a better chance of meeting dipshit Ashton Kutcher or Alan Funt before I see anything that resembles a naked woman.

And Alan Funt is dead.