My Balls In Bloomingdale’s

First off, thanks to everyone who sent in questions for my interview with Sade.  We talked into the wee hours of the night Saturday.   So many of them were great “evergreen” questions that I’ll probably throw a few of them into my regular mix of questions I ask guests who aren’t Sade.

So Here it is the beginning of May, just a little over a month from now we’ll be married.  There’s so much to do yet.

One thing is to find a ring for myself.  Sade and I want something simple and yet perhaps with a hint of kink.

I’m really not a jewlery guy, yet being with Sade has meant I wear my collar and two nipple piercings at all times. Sade still says a prince albert is in the works (something we talked about in the interview where you can hear me try and talk my way out of it) so picking out a ring is not my forte.

About a week ago we headed to the world famous Barny’s and Bloomingdale’s here in NYC.  The last time I was in Bloomingdale’s it was with Sade about five years ago this summer.  As we walked in together the memory rushed back to me.

Cue dream squence music

I had just started serving her and a bunch of friends were headed to the beach.  Sade said I needed a new swimsuit since the “trunks” I had just woulnd’t do.  She wanted to see me in something smaller.   We went to the men’s department on the gazillionth floor, sade handed me a bunch of options and waited outside the dressing room while I went in and changed.  She sat down on the fancy mini-sofa while I walked out of the dressing room wearing nothing but swimsuit after swimsuit while trying not to look completley mortified since Sade was not the only person in the waiting area.

To make matters worse on one of my exits from my dressing room I managed to close the door completely causing the door to lock behind me.  I then had to walk out into the main area of the men’s department to find an employee with a key.  I swear it took ten minutes for me to find someone with a key to unlock the door. Imagine some dude with his junk barely covered walking around a department store trying to get someone’s attention.  

Yeah that probably happens all the time in New York City but they usually arrest those guys.  

I remember Sade laughing at one point noticing my balls were hanging out of the leg of one pair in particular. Apparently the designer didn’t have balls in mind when designing them and I had possibly spent my time wandering Bloomingdale’s looking for someone with a key with two-thirds of my sex organs on display.  Fun fact:  Those were the pair Sade ended up having me own.  I still own them to this day and the balls-thing is a constant concern.

Fast forward almost five years and we’re looking for wedding rings in the same department store.  

Now if my junk had been out while trying on wedding rings…that would have made for an even better story.

FYI if you’re looking for men’s wedding rings, avoid Bloomingdale’s in Manhattan.  They have less than ten in a massive buildng filled with jewelry.  I shit you not. Less than ten.

  1. Wow. I love these glimpses of your life with Sade. She’s clearly an emotional sadist too!

    I never thought of nipple piercings as jewellery. I hope yours are decorative. How conspicuous is your collar?

    • I wouldn’t say they’re decorative piercings…kinda like half rings.
      To most, my collar looks like a necklace but it’s a collar to us:)

  2. one of the funnest, funniest stories I’ve read in a long while. I will carry that picture with me a long while. hahahaha…Bloomies has seen it all I imagine… :D

    nilla

  3. ROFLMAO I see you wandering around and its a woody Allan moment in NYC.

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