pain-slut

The Bad Kind Of Pain

I really messed up my back.

Shit I’m 33 and I feel 66.

I have no clue what I did to it.

I was crouched down, cleaning stuff out of the fridge (yeah, sexy right?) stood up and BLAMO! I couldn’t even walk.

The next morning I called in sick to work, my roommate helped me put my pants, socks and shoes on (ok maybe i’m 96 years old) and headed to the Doc.

It’s an odd kind of pain. It hurts so much that it’s funny. I actually laugh sometimes after falling to my knees in pain, maybe because it seems so silly to me.

So now, I’m just taking it easy. Wishing she would call and invite me out to dinner or something. I’ll probably end up just relaxing though. Taking it easy.

Tomorrow I’ll performing service for Viviane at one of her great gatherings. Serving tea, cleaning up garbage, making sure there’s plenty of food out on the table.

Maybe everyone will assume I’m limping because I just had some really intense play.

Then again, I may be limping because of the really intense painkillers I’m on.

I Love/Hate Pain

I love getting hurt…I hate seeing others getting hurt.

If I’m at a play party and someone is experiencing some really intense pain, I almost always need to look away.

Obviously I know that the “victim” is probably enjoying themselves, and I can see how it can be incredibly hot. I just have a difficult time seeing someone else in pain.

Maybe it’s 90% pacifism and 10% “I wish that were me”.

Even as a young boy, if my little brother was going to get punished for something, I’d try to take the blame for it. Seeing him getting the belt or a spanking was much harder for me than getting the same treatment myself.

I have the same reaction when someone else is being humiliated. I feel bad for them, want to make it stop and just want to protect them.

My ability to accept it and watch or not be bothered on it changes depending on my mood, the situation and who is on the receiving end at the time. If it’s someone I know, then I feel very protective of them and have to keep myself from saying something.

So is it pacifism? Empathy? Jealousy?

Is it rare that a masochist feels uncomfortable seeing others get the treatment he’s dying for?

Am I A Masochist?

A vanilla friend of mine recently said “Hey if you want to get beaten up by women, just walk into a lesbian bar dressed as Rush Limbaugh.”

I’ve been with a few people who thought they were sadists, but when it came time to play they would just barely tap and maybe tap once or twice then look at me saying “Can you take that? Is that enough? Is it too much for you?”

Yes, I’ve faked it once. But the other times I’ve usually just said “more please”. There’s sometimes a look of sadness and disbelief when they realize I can take more pain than most.

Ok…that sounded like bragging.

I will say this, there’s tons of pain I’m not sure I could take at all. I’ve never been whipped for example, nor have I experienced CBT or a heavy flogging or..wow lots of stuff.

Here’s the other thing. I may not actually be a masochist at all.

Some define a masochist as someone who can take a lot of pain, others say its someone who can have an orgasm from it.

I’ll say, from my limited experience with caning, that I’m more of the former. But then again, I’ve never been caned by someone I was really into.

One of the hottest experiences in my life was when I was out on a date with someone, we were making out and she dug her fingernails deep into my side (so deep I had marks in my side for months and months afterwards). I was in heaven. She whispered in my ear “I love that you’re a pain-slut”. It wad one of the sexiest things anyone has ever said to me. Sadly that was as far as it went with her.

I do know that, when it comes to caning, I can usually take a lot of pain. I friggin’ love it. I love taking it for that person, feeling their power and….ok I guess I am getting turned on by it.

I also love the emotional release. I’ve only had one really really good beating and I ended up crying because of it (and because while in deep subspace I thought heard the voice of the woman I was desperate for at the time).

I will tell you one form of torture I can’t handle: Musical theater.

I’ve come up with a few possible craigslist headlines that may attract a sadist:

-Please beat the shit out of me

Nah too graphic

-Please make me hurt

Nope…she could just stand me up and do the trick

-Want to work out your frustrations?

No, sounds like every Casual Encounters post

-Is that a whip and flogger in your hand or are you just happy to see me?

Too cliche

-Beat me and you could win a free toaster!

Bingo that’s it! It appeals to every sadist and…who wouldn’t like a free toaster?