I remember the first time I had an experience where I realized I wasn’t into humiliation. I had a casual play partner who, while we were having our second round of sex, started in on some humiliation that she enjoyed.
We were going at it pretty heavily and she was getting close to orgasm when she uttered the words that would make me realize I’m not into humiliation:
“Yeah? You think you can get me off with that little cock of yours?”
I stopped fucking her at that moment.
Me:”What? But just a few minutes ago you were talking about how great my cock was and how it filled you up so full and how you loved it.”
Her: “It does, I’m just really into small cock humiliation”.
Me: “Why would you say something that isn’t true? Either you’re lying when you say you love my big cock or you’re lying when you say I have a little one.”
Her: “I thought it would turn you on.”
Me: “Why would the feeling of being inadequate turn me on?”
Her:”It turns on a lot of submissive guys, look I wouldn’t be fucking you if you actually had a small one.”
She’s also the first person who learned slapping my face was a way to make me leave the room in tears instead of making me hard.
We were chatting a few days later and she started in on, what she thought, was sexy talk.
Her:”I’m going to tie you up and fuck another guy right in front of you”.
Me: “If you want to fuck another guy then you should fuck another guy. Why would you have me tied up in the same room just to make me feel bad? That’s what most people call, being an asshole.”
Her:”Are you calling me an asshole?”
Me:”Do you want me to feel bad?”
I don’t remember how the conversation ended. I had never heard of the term “cuckold” before. I didn’t even know that was a thing. Had I known that there was such a thing as cuckolding and other types of humiliation I probably would have handled it a bit better. I could have been more calm and rational and simply said that type of play is a huge turn-off.
Unfortunately I’ve found that I’m probably too sensitive when it comes to these types of things.
Maybe that’s why I respond so strongly to being objectified as a sex-object. Something wanted and desired so badly that she can’t help but just fucking take me.
That feeling is the opposite of rejection.
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I don’t get humiliation either. I mean, not even a little bit. It’s abusive to me. I know it’s a kink to some people, but it’s not my kink, and I don’t understand it, and I don’t WANT to understand it, and I actually get annoyed sometimes at how popular it is. I want to build my boy up, not tear him down.
So basically I’m saying that you are NOT “too sensitive” – you’re REALISTIC.
I follow and read one cuckolding blog (and have for a number of years) because I find the writing good and the topics interesting – and the mindset so completely different from my own. Humiliation – receiving it, or giving it – is not something that appeals to me at all, but having read why it can and does work for others I can understand why there is that attraction for some.
xx Dee
It is weird, because what spank or other physical abusement is if not humiliation?
I can say after years I really enjoy s/m I am turning into something new, I cannot freak out with completly strange woman, because humiliation in any form is more and more comic for me.
I think it is partially age matter.
I realize this wasn’t a funny post, but your deadpan responses made me laugh.
I imagine she thought you would be turned on. I wonder how she reacted to your matter-of-fact response: “If you want to fuck another guy then you should fuck another guy”.
Also, in thinking about why I’m not into cuckolding either, this really resonated with me: “Something wanted and desired so badly that she can’t help but just fucking take me.” I desire my partner–I really really want him–and so saying something other than this would not only be a turn off, it would feel dishonest. Even if I discovered my partner was into it, I don’t think I could do it (and certainly, I’d hate it).
What about what she wants? Isn’t part of your being “objectified as a sex-object” based on her own desires and urges or is all just about you? 🙂
So I’ve been thinking a lot about how women aren’t trained to listen for consent and this is a huge red flag for me…can you imagine of the genders were reversed in the incidents you described above? We wouldn’t for a moment entertain the notion that a dude doing what that woman did so casually without extensive negotiation was kosher in the least.