It was four years ago that really met Sade. I say “really” met because our paths had crossed here and there and I was too intimidated to say anything more than a quick greeting at best. Maybe I just waved and that was it.

We were at a birthday party for a mutual friend. I still remember seeing her when I walked in. Thankfully I arrived with my best friend who had a way of striking up conversations with new people. I remember being nervous while talking to her, attempting to cover up my awkwardness as best as I could. I remember making her laugh and how it sent a chill up my spine.

I remember trying not to make it look obvious that I was intimidated by her. Intimidated by her mohawk, her smile, her voice and how she could somehow pull off having the appearance of a badass and be so easy to talk to at the same time. How she seemed to personify my dirtiest daydreams while just talking about the most everyday things.

Perhaps it was easier for me to be around her because she was there with a date. I didn’t think I had a chance with her so I wasn’t risking anything by just being myself.

I don’t remember everything we talked about. The night is a total blur. I remember when a few people started playing my friend and I got up and decided to leave. As we were walking out the door her date (a dominant himself) came up to me and asked why we were leaving. I said something about needing to go to work or some lame excuse for me to leave so I didn’t feel awkward when everyone started playing and I stood around. Then her date said something I’ll never forget.

“Well you’re the only submissive guy here and Sade needs someone to play with.”

I had no clue what to say to that. I know I would have felt weird playing with her while her date watched but at the same time I really wanted to play with her. But what if I fell for her and there was nothing I could do about it because she was seeing this guy? At the same time I couldn’t just abandon my friend while she stood around and I played (I was the only one there who spoke her language). I sputtered and stammered and eventually decided to leave with my friend. It’s probably for the best that I did because I may have scared Sade off with excessive neediness after getting a taste of playing with her before she knew me enough to know the context of it. Hell I may have asked her to marry me right then and there.

So I left with my best friend and I thought that would be the end of it at best I thought we may become friends and I’d secretly pine for her.

Little did I know that one day I would eventually ask her to marry me.