Thoughts

BDSM As Stress Relief

I’ve had a very stressful past couple of weeks.   A combination of family emergencies, work stress, and a feeling of spreading myself too thin with all of my obligations.

Often I’ll be at work and I’ll feel a pull to escape.  I’ll just want to be in the comfort of the tiny space that is our world when Sade and I are alone.  Wether we’re cuddled up watching Stephen Fry on the BBC, laughing our asses off at who knows what or doing something frisky.

It’s in those more stressful moments where I’ll feel a desire for more than cuddle time. I’ll feel the need to be taken.   Sometimes that need is to be bent over and fucked by her, sometimes it’s to be beaten until I collapse.  To lose myself in my submission to her.

It’s not just in the intimacy and the agression of it all.  It’s also a need to not be stuck in my own head, juggling a million things at once.  When she takes me, everything else dissolves away.

A few weeks ago she could tell I was overwhelemd with everything.  It was just after midnight, I was taking a break from some of my freelance work to wash the dishes and she looked at me and told me to get into the bedroom.

She knew I needed a release and after a good round of spanking, whacking, flogging and other torments, she ordered me to cry.

The release was exactly what I needed even though I didn’t know it beforehand.

I needed to cry, to have a break from the work and feel the closness of us, to let everything but us fade away for even a moment.

It not only helped with the stress of the night but the stresses of the coming days.

I’m still not certain how that works, but it does.

A Morning Memo From Her

I crawled out of bed just as the sun was coming up and stumbled to the shower.  She was still fast asleep but left me a note in the bathroom that displayed her plans for me when I got home from work:

 

Photo Apr 29 6 59 17 AM

Who Am I As A Submissive?

I was interviewing a friend for the podcast recently and she said something that threw me off a bit. She mentioned how it took her over a year for her to find out who she was as a dominant.

This sounded kind of odd to me. Not because it took her so long to find out who she was, but because I realized I didn’t know who I was as a submissive, or if I did I hadn’t thought about it enough to realize it.

Sure I know what I like. I like to please, I like to be objectified, I like to give orgasms and be forced to orgasm, I like bondage, I like being beaten, I like getting fucked just as much as I like to fuck…the list goes on.

The problem is that these are activities more than they are ways to identify oneself.

I guess I’ve been pretty lazy at analyzing myself.

About a week ago Sade took me to the bedroom and wanted to play before she fucked me and asked “What do you feel you need right now?”.

I didn’t really know how to answer. I new I was craving pain from her, a beating or something. I knew I was dying for her to fuck me but I could barely say it because it was hard for me to read her at that moment and know what she wanted.

What I really wanted to say was “Anything that will bring that wonderfully evil smile you get when you’re in top-space, wether that’s electrical play, tease and denial, fucking me, beating me..whatever..I just need to feel your top-space, I need to feel owned and objectified and used and loved and all of it”.

I knew if I had said it she would have made me pick something anyway so I think I just said “umm a beating would be nice if you’re feeling like you want to or…something”.

That wasn’t what she was really asking but the reason I didn’t know how to answer was because I didn’t really know the answer. I knew I was craving a beating but I was also craving a million other things. Above all I knew I’d be happy with whatever she wanted.

So I’m still wrestling with this question. Who am I as a submissive?

How do I even begin to answer that?

Random Quotes You’ll Only Hear In A Relationship With A Dominant Woman #1

She wakes me up by grabbing my morning wood and says “If you get up now and turn off all of your alarms, I’ll let you jerk off and take care of this in the shower.”

Found Femdom: Double Dose

Not one but two entries of Found Femdom today thanks to two different readers:

I’m told the first is from the Metropolitan Museum of Art:

 

The next comes from yet another reader:

Thanks for sending them in.  Please keep ’em coming.