Well, my two new friends Eileen and May are off to Australia soon and I couldn’t be happier for them. I only wish I had met them sooner. Cheers you two! This song’s for you. It’s my favorite version of it: [youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=JCgyWBJglng]
Friends
Unexpected Results
When I started this li’l blog just a few months ago, I thought of it only as a way for me to vent my frustrations, express my desires and internalize my thoughts by putting them down on paper….or…html. The last thing I imagined was how many great people I would meet as a result of it.
In such a short time I’ve met people who are so amazing that it makes me giddy to know I’ve met someone new.
You know that feeling you get when you meet someone romantically and afterwards you’re just thrilled that you’ve met them? I feel the same way about new friends. I’ve made a number of them from this blog.
I had a chance to really sit down and talk with Eileen and Maymay yesterday. What I thought would be simple coffee for an hour or so turned into many hours of passionate discussions about….well…you name it.
Shortly after we met we were joined by two friends I adore. It felt so good to be surrounded by old friends and new friends. I’m still giddy about it!
As soon as I jumped on the subway after our meet-up I made a few notes about some topics that came up in our conversations.
-Why the hell are there more Domme/Dom relationships than Domme/sub?
-What’s better? Getting some of what you need or nothing at all (0% vs 1%)?
-Why are so many Pro Dommes submissive?
-Are we better off that Pro-domination exists or worse?
-Can robots help stop global warming?
Yes it was a good time had by all.
Friendship Collar
***note*** I’m drunk as I write this. Damn oral fixation never stops and drinkinga beer is sometimes the only way to keep my mouth busy.
I am one lucky SOB
Most submissive guys will never find someone. It’s simple yet sad math. If (at best) there is one dominant woman for every 10 submissive males, then 9 guys will never, ever find what they are looking for.
I have spent countless nights trying to accept the fact that I will probably die alone and wondering if I would be better off calling one of those phone numbers I’ve been given by vanilla women while at a part or hanging out at a bar.
The one thing I can take to the grave is how incredibly lucky I am when it comes to my friendships. I have never been lucky in love (sex maybe but not love), but friendships have been my rock, the base, the foundation that I always know I can depend on.
There is a similarity between serving someone I feel submissive to and service for someone I adore as a friend, tonight I practically begged two newly-found friends to let me upgrade their computer. It’s a way for me to show my appretiation for how much I adore them and want to please them.
Most of my friends are women, a majority are whom I’ve met either through casual dating or casual play. One of my best friends recently asked “Am I your only friend you haven’t fucked?”. I don’t play with any of them now (why is it hard for so many people to play and be friends?) but our friendships take care of other needs.
They know I love them. I was walking down the street the other day with a vanilla friend who happens to know about my “Unspeakable acts” as she once called it (hence the name) and we would laughing our asses off about something. Afterwards we hugged, said our I-love-yous and went on separate subway lines. Ever time something like that happens I feel so full of love and happiness that I occasionally get misty eyed.
I’ve recently met even more people I have a feeling will grow into long term friendships. I’m insanely lucky in friendships.
Sure being a submissive male can be trying at times. Sure it might be another year until I get another really good beating (crap the last one I got was around a year ago). But imagine if I was still living back home in the mid-west. Not being able to tell others about myself, not being able to meet so many amazing people. Fuck I love this city. Geez I’m really buzzed from too many beers right now.
Maybe this is it. Maybe serving my friends is the only long term relationship I’m going to have. Maybe my collar will be one of friendship and nothing more. That’s not so bad.
I’m starting on a list of my New Years goals/resolutions.
The first on my list? Stop blogging while drunk.
Any others I should add to the list?
Serving Viviane
Viviane gave me the honor of serving her and her guests at her monthly tea party just over a week ago.
I agreed of course (she’s difficult to say no to), though I was a little nervous since I had never served more than two people at a time.
The week beforehand I emailed her countless times asking if there was anything I should do to prepare, what to expect, if there was anything I should pick up…any question I could come up with. Clearly I was overanalyzing the situation. It was due to a combination of nervousness and eagerness to please.
I never know what the vibe will be when I first meet someone for service. Will they want me to be formal or “at ease”?
It was clear that I would be more “at ease” and that suits me just fine. The hardest part was watching Viviane do so much work while I just stood there while she prepared. My knowledge in the kitchen really needs to be expanded.
I found myself asking “Please is there anything I can do before the guest arrive?” but she had it all under control.
Thankfully as the guests arrived I became busier. So many new faces and a few I had met briefly before.
Most of my tasks involved serving drinks, taking out trash, placing food out. All things I was new to in the realm of service.
There were a number of moments where I did have time to socialize and meet some amazing people:
Meeting Sinclair and watching this trick impressed me to no end.
My ability to work an oven was painfully apparent when Calico brought some Mac-n-cheese that needed to be heated up. I remember thinking to myself “Hello, yes I’m a service-oriented submissive that doesn’t know the first thing about how hot an oven should be to heat up food…I’m a total ass!!! How are you?”. Her Mac-n-cheese was gone within 4 minutes by the way.
Wendy has an addictive laugh.
Desire also has a way of making me feel impotent in the kitchen. We shared some great witty banter.
May and Eileen are the only Domme/sub couple I know, not only is seeing them a validation that it could someday happen to me, they’re also incredibly nice.
Ok I could name-drop like crazy (Viviane doesn’t like having someone name-drop her constantly so I’ll try to keep the Viviane name dropping to a minimum for Viviane.)but the important thing for me was how I felt afterwards. I thought I did a decent job despite my lack of knowledge in some areas, fell on my face in a few situations but nothing too bad. I met some amazing people who I’ve been reading for years and it was nice to put faces to the words. Also Viviane, despite my fumbling in the kitchen, made me feel appreciated and that’s part of the reason I enjoy doing it.
The quote of the night?
Viviane said as I was leaving: “Ohh and we didn’t get a chance to flog you”.
Damn….don’t I know it.
Fighting The Dominatrix Stereotype
One of my best friends said something to me that made me even more frustrated with the stereotype of a dominant woman. We were talking about how she was coping with her relationship with her submissive coming to an end. She was understandably upset about it and was questioning herself and her desire to be in a D/s relationship. When acknowledged her disappointment and sadness she said “It’s not very Domme-like is it?”
I tried to explain to her that just because she’s dominant, doesn’t mean she won’t second guess or feel down like everyone else. She’s human after all. She an incredibly powerful, smart woman and an amazing Domme, but even superman has kryptonite.
This may be one reason why so many women don’t feel comfortable showing their dominant side. They believe that they need to fit into some mold of a Dominatrix, always confident, always sexual and always “acting” dominant.
Here are just a few reasons why some dominants have told me they sometimes feel less of a Domme.
1: She didn’t feel comfortable yelling at a man.
I’ve played with a decent number (yet still far too small) of dominant women and I can’t remember being yelled at once. The only time I’ve ever seen a Domme yell is in BDSM movies. A whisper is more powerful than a yell in my book.
2: She didn’t want to have to be the one who does all of the work when it comes to sex.
I’ll grant you that when it comes to some forms of play, the submissive does do less “work” (nice work if you can get it), but when it comes to actual sex, I find that I’m the one that is encouraged to be a human fucking machine, not her.
3: She didn’t like to cause a great deal of pain.
As someone who identifies as a masochist, I can say that, while I enjoy being ripped apart, beaten and left as a shivering puddle of flesh on the floor (ok that hasn’t happened yet but fingers crossed for someday) it’s 1/10000th of the possibilities out there. Just because she wasn’t a sadist doesn’t mean she wasn’t a good dominant.
4: She wanted a man for a boyfriend, not a doormat.
This comes down to the submissive and how their submission manifests itself, some may be prone to acting like a doormat. Mine gives me strength. I feel more powerful when I know I’ve pleased either through service or sexually. If I’ve made her cum a record number of times using only my mouth and sacrificed (sacrificed isn’t the best word, but I’m kinda sleepy as I write this) my own pleasure for hers, I feel taken, used and…more masculine. The same goes for the rare occasion I get a really heavy beating, I feel stronger knowing I could take it for her.
5: She just felt like cuddling.
I’m a cuddle whore…give me your best shot….please.
6. She felt uncomfortable humiliating a man.
I’m at a loss on this one. I’ve never been humiliated in the context of play (plenty of times when falling for some phony on collarme or alt however) and haven’t felt the need to explore it nor have I ever been with anyone who enjoyed it.
7: She had a hard day and needed a good cry.
Again, the idea that a dominant woman is impervious to feeling blue is insane. I’ve tried to talk friends through this feeling in the past and it’s a difficult one to combat since it battles some crazy caricature.
I still don’t have a good logical explanation for it. For me it’s obvious but I lack a good way to comfort someone in this situation.
How do you explain to a dominant that just because she may have been tricked by a submissive or had her heart broken by one, it doesn’t make her less of a good dominant?