ownership

New Holes

· September 5, 2012 · Experiences · , , · 5 Comments

For years Sade would casually mention how she’d like my nipples pierced and for me to get a prince albert. She wouldn’t order it and we wouldn’t spend a lot of time talking about it, she’d just mention it, I’d get a slightly squeamish look on my face while at the same time get a little turned on by the idea of her marking me and adding two more bondage points to my body.

I should say that my nipples are insanely sensitive to begin with. So much so that extended time with strong nipple clamps can bring me to my knees pretty easily. In our day-to-day interactions Sade will reach out and pinch my nipples causing me to wince pretty quickly. Extra sensitive nipples means a quick erection when sucked or licked but a quick quivering mess when tortured too hard too fast. That’s why the idea of getting them pierced made me wince, I’ve heard piercings can make them even more sensitive and that kinda worried me a bit.

The issue kept coming up and it came up again while I was interviewing her for the 100th episode of The Masocast last weekend.

So, this past week it was brought up again, I saw the glimmer in her eyes and the evil grin on her face and that was that.

Friday after work we walked into the shop, she wanted her left nipple pierced and I was getting both.

It hurt like a son-of-a-bitch. The worst part was the constant pain for the rest of the night. It just wouldn’t stop but thankfully it’s much better now

While it will take a while to heal, she’s been enjoying looking at them and I’ve caught her eyes looking at them while we have sex and know it was well worth the pain.

With her, it’s always worth the pain.

Overcoming My Fear Of Needle-Play

· February 19, 2010 · Thoughts · , , , , · 12 Comments

My first exposure to needles I was drunk and at a party so there was a lot going on to distract me.

The second time I was sober, very very nervous, partially hyperventilating, whimpering and it took a lot of self control to keep from begging her to stop.

The third time went much better.

See here’s the thing. Sade really likes needle play. Ok, she loves needle play. I’ve seen photos of some of her needle play in the past and it scares the crap out of me.

It’s not like I’m afraid of needles when I go to the doctor. It’s just that the the idea of needles being fun is very foreign to me. Whenever I see some of the more hardcore images of needle play, I see what looks like permanent damage.   

My fear may come from an experience I had with cutting once. The dominant made a small pattern on my back (with my consent of course) with a razor blade. I was told the marks would be there for a month or two or three then it would go away. This is true for most people. Well it’s been three years now and I still have a scar from that cutting. So perhaps I associate any kind of breaking of the skin to be something permanent.

Or maybe I’m just a chicken-shit when it comes to needles.

It makes me self-consious as well since I know this is something she really really enjoys and it’s not something I’m good at. I want to be a good needle-bottom (if that’s even a phrase), I want to love it as much as she does. I want it to turn me on as much as it turns her on but I have the opposite reaction. I wan’t to please her in this way but it’s so hard for me to get over that fear.

Well the other night, Sade and a friend were at our place and they were talking about needle play and the next thing I knew I was half-naked, bound on our coffee table with needles penetrating my skin.

But this time it was different. Sade knew how hard it was for me. She would lovingly stroke my skin, gently kiss my lips, giving me words of encouragement telling me what a good job I was doing and even though I was still worried and nervous, she made me much more comfortable.

Even though she was making it much easier, I was still in a headspace that I’d rather not have been in.

She asked me how I was doing and I replied “Fine, but I’ll be better when this is over”.

The second it came out of my mouth I was kicking myself for saying it. Here I was, bound on a table with my amazing owner and her friend playing with me and I was commenting on how I couldn’t wait for it to be over. What an assface thing to say.

I bit my lip and tried to contain myself every time the needle went in.

She kissed me and I would forget all about the needles for a few moments.

She’d stroke my skin and I’d relax a bit more.

Eventually I was able to focus more on the dynamic of what was happening more than what was actually happening. I could feel myself submitting to the needles or more submitting to her through the needles. I was doing it to please her.

Eventually it was over and her friend thanked me and I asked Sade how I had done.

“You did very well, the only way it could have been better is if your cock was hard from the experience”.

Someday, I’m betting it will be.

Here are a few photos of what when down….or…in.

needle1.jpg

needle2.jpg

Some Parts Controlled

· January 14, 2008 · Thoughts · , , , · 2 Comments

Well here’s some good news.

I’ve been spending more time with…hmmm what do I call her? It’ll come to me.

She really seems to enjoy exploring her dominance, it’s always been a part of her but she hasn’t been able to openly control and manipulate someone before. She does admit that she’s not as driven to explore her dominance as much as I am driven by my desire to submit.

We’ve talked at great lengths about D/s, the scene and what we’re looking for. She doesn’t know what she’s looking for right now and I can understand that. We both know that, no matter what, we both want to remain friends.

She has decided she wants to “own my cock”. It’s hers right now. I must always text her if I want to cum while I’m alone and of course she has full use of it whenever she wants. The rest of me, well, it’s still mine.

It feels amazing to have someone want control over even part of me. It’s also made me realize how..umm…active I am in that area.

I know she’s still dating other people. We haven’t defined if we’re dating, hanging out, really good friends with benefits or what it is but when we’re together it’s amazing and passionate and all that good stuff.

She often comments on how she’s not sure if this is right for her. I’m trying to not push the issue. While I see her as a natural dominant, I know it doesn’t matter what I think. Maybe I’m just a fun diversion for her, for now and that’s ok.

She’s amazing and I’m lucky.

Sometimes after worshiping her body she’ll say that I need to give my “gift” of oral to as many women as possible. I sometimes want to answer back “believe me I’m trying”.

So for now, I’m having fun. I’m still providing service to others but I’m not spending every waking minute thinking about how I can meet a Domme. That’s a big change for me. I’m trying to just live in the moment and enjoy the time we do spend together.

She does own one part of me for now, it feels amazingly erotic and I love the feeling of control.

It’s made me start to think why I enjoy that feeling of control so much. I mean, I know I’ve wanted it but haven’t experienced it in this way before. Why is that? Why does it turn me on so much to know she needs to give the OK first?

Still, even though it turns me on, I do feel nervous and scared. I don’t know why.

Ownership

· December 14, 2007 · Thoughts · , , , , , · 7 Comments

I have been active in the lifestyle for almost ten years now (though it’s difficult to be active when living in the midwest, hence the reason I moved to NYC two years ago). I’ve been interested in one aspect or another of BDSM for as long as I can remember. While there are many things I’ve tried, there are many more I haven’t. Some are things I would only be able to do within the context of a relationship.

While talking to a fellow sub recently, she posed a thought that I had never crossed my mind.

What if I have some false ideas about what a D/s relationship would be like. What if I wouldn’t enjoy it? What if I am meant to only enjoy casual play and anything longer than a few hours would be too much for me?

Then she brought up another idea….a hair-brained scheme of sorts. One of those “It’s so crazy, it just might work” ideas.

The idea? A full weekend of slavery.

“What if you could spend a whole weekend as an owned submissive? Sure it wouldn’t be anything like a real relationship, but at least you’d have a better feel for what it would be like, you’d at least get a taste so you could find out if you’re on the right path or not.”

I had never questioned if I was on the right path or not, it just felt right. But she did have a point, one that I couldn’t imagine being true, but she still had a point.

A full weekend of knowing what it was like to be under someone’s total control. Of course it wouldn’t be two straight days of play, it would probably be more like a relationship. There may be some play but there would be a lot of down time, perhaps I could do chores/service. Who knows what it would be like.

If it’s hard to find someone for casual play that I’m into and impossible to find someone for a relationship. Finding someone for something in the middle would be difficult.

“You could go to a pro for a weekend” she said.

“Yeah great, I’ll just save every penny for 3 years and let you know how that turns out”.

A few things have come to mind when I contemplate doing this.

-I would have to be willing to travel anywhere in the country to find someone up for this.

-It would have to be someone I totally trusted, spend even more time getting to know them than I would for casual play.

-It would have to be someone who was prepared for my emotional reaction when the weekend came to an end. I have a feeling I would get very emotional after finally having a taste, a very small hint of what I’m looking for and then having that come to an end.

-It would be nice to find someone who actually has some experience in a D/s relationship, someone who knew what the reality was like, or at least someone who had a good idea of what they wanted in the context of a D/s relationship.

-It would have to be someone who wanted to experience it as much as I did.

“That’s a pretty tall order,” my friend blurted.

As we were leaving the diner, she handed me 50 cent’s.

“What’s this for?”

“You might as well start saving for the pro-domme weekend now”.

“Smartass”

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