pain-slut

Random Stuff For The New Year

Just a few random thoughts to throw your way.

-I’ve added a mini-banner to ClubFEM NYC on the left-hand side. I once wrote about my first experience going to one of their parties here. They have probably the biggest munch in NYC and their parties are memorable to say the least. I’m planning on going to more munches and more parties again this year (I need to get over the shyness of showing my bare ass in public) and hope to see you there.

-I’m running a bit low on Found Femdom images in the media. If you come upon any, feel free to email them to me. My address can be found on the right hand side in my Facebook profile link.

-My back is getting a bit better every day. Thanks to everyone who’s emailed advice and concern. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy to know you care. Or maybe that’s just the Vicodin.

-You may notice that I’ve been sounding considerably less desperate lately. That’s due to my being less desperate. While I’ve been having a number of new experiences lately it’s hard for me to post about them for some reason. I have a few unfinished drafts yet they remain that way until I can finish processing them. I will say that I’ve got a rope burn on my wrist that’s been there for a few weeks now, my mouth and other parts have been put to good use a few times, not to mention having had a tender bottom on more than one occasion.

-My tax return will be here in less than a month. It won’t be much but I keep having an internal fight over what I should do with the cash.

Pay off some debt? Or maybe use the money to get almost half-way to saving up for….

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…a Macbook Pro.

Fuck it’s so tempting.

What do do what to do??

This is where being in a Female led relationship would come in handy. She could simply tell me the smart thing to do would be to pay off deb but nooooooo I need to be single right now and deal with temptation. I don’t do well with temptation.

A friend suggested I put up a donate button on the blog but I don’t feel comfortable doing that. Plus, if i did, every post would be about how I need people to donate so I can get my Mac fetish fix. This blog would become the kinky version of an NPR pledge drive.

Curious Things

I was asked to make a list of the things I’m most curious about. Thing I’ve had on my must-try-before-I-die list.

Chastity- Maymay wrote about his extended chastity here. Obviously my daydreams aren’t nearly as close as what the reality would probably be. I imagine being locked up and taken out whenever she (whoever she is) wants me. More of an anti-masturbation device than a no-orgasm device. Who knows, maybe she’ll want me locked up for longer durations, or maybe not locked up at all.

CBT- I have limited experience in this area but the hints of it that I’ve experienced have been eye opening. Probably because there are a million wonderfully evil things a woman can do in this area. As with all kinds of pain, it’s limited to those who really get off on giving pain. I hate the idea of feeling pain anywhere but I love the idea of taking the pain for someone who gets off on giving it. Everything from sounds, bondage, clamps, clothespins, you name it and I’m curious about it. The mental image of sounds is enough to make me whimper.

Anal play- I’ve experienced strap-on play a few times. A few times isn’t nearly enough. I’ve only experienced the wonders of the prostate once for maybe a minute. My head nearly exploded. There’s also something very intriguing about plugs and hooks. I have no idea what the appeal of anal play is for a dominant woman. Is it the idea of violating a man? I know what the appeal is on my end of things but the motivation for a woman escapes me. If I knew the motivation it might help me find someone to motivate into doing it.

Predicament Bondage- I was talking to someone the other night who mentioned how much she loved doing it to her boyfriend. I hadn’t thought much about it until I saw how much she loved it. Her face lit up with this genuine evil smile. It’s motivated me enough to read more about it and keep my eyes open for someone with an evil smile.

Electrical play- Nuff said. This is a big question mark for me. I’ve heard it can be either very painful or very pleasurable.

Hypnosis- I’ve heard it’s intense.

Owned- I know now that my previous goal (I wrote about it here) of having a weekend where I was totally owned and controlled by someone is totally unrealistic. Finding someone who wants to own me for a few hours might be more attainable.

The Party, Part 2: Tenderized

Continued from part one

I had just been tied up, scratched, beaten and drooled on. I was a very happy boy. I was standing around trying to keep a big silly grin from taking over my face.

Troy came up to me and said “Hey how’s it feel to finally play at a play party?”

I wanted to say “good” or “fine thank you” or something that sounded more cool but what came out was probably something that sounded like “awwwwwwweeeessssoooooooooommmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee”.

That was when Troy mentioned that the party would be coming to an end soon and then added, “Lets whip you first”.

This was to be the second time Troy had whipped me at a play party. After the first time she mentioned how everyone stopped what they were doing just to watch. I can’t say that I blame them. People probably stop to watch Troy put butter on her toast.

She had me take my shirt off and face her A-frame mounted on the wall. My hands gripped the wood as she started to make rhythmic beats on my back.

This is where things get really foggy for me. When I’m experiencing this kind of pain, everything else goes away. The only thing that exists is me and the other person but there’s no time involved. There will be moments when it feels like it is lasting forever and others when it feels like it just started a nanosecond ago.

I only remember emotions. Sometimes I get angry. Not at the person doing the whipping, but at the pain. Sometimes I get angry that it’s not always there when I need it and sometimes it’s because it just fucking hurts. Maybe anger isn’t the right word. It’s just a release of emotion when I feel that kind of pain. I was a little embarrassed when I realized everyone was looking at us. (Ok maybe more Troy than I, but hey…I was the sidekick to this little show).

For me, bdsm is more about the person than the act (not that it’s not about the act as well..but…well you know what I’m getting at). Troy almost becomes the whip– she’s not using an implement as much as she’s making the whip an extension of herself. The whip isn’t whipping me, she is.

It was raw. It was hot, it was…yummy.

She’d build up the pain so I was on my tiptoes, moaning and conflicted. My natural instinct to move away from the whip was muted by the desire for more and to get closer. My back would arch when she’d repeatedly hit the same spot again and again. Even though I had half of my clothes on I still felt naked and raw.

I have no clue how long it lasted.

Afterwards, I gave Troy a big hug (dropping down to kiss her feet would have been a but much but it was my initial thought) and a few people came up to me and shook my hand.

Shook my hand?

One guy said “that was some show…good job”. I had no clue what to say to that other than “thanks, it’s…what I do”.

I think there’s some chemistry that comes across between Troy and I. I trust her and she knows how far she wants to push me and she knows that I’ll go that far.

Later I walked to the subway, the cool air coming up under my shirt. Rope marks still on my arms and possibly even on my face.

I sat on the subway feeling stronger, more confident, powerful even.

And very turned on.

Treated Like An Animal

I’ve had three people ask me what I’m into over the past week.

There’s never a good answer to this one since it all depends on who I’m with, what the energy is and what she’s into.

While I love bondage, I also adore letting the woman relax and enjoy herself while I do all the work of kissing and tasting every inch of her body.

What’s more important is what she is into. If I check out the profile of a woman on Fetlife and read her list of kinks, chances are I’m into most of them.

Then someone asked me what I’ve been fantasizing about lately. That’s a different question.

It depends on my mood of but lately I’ve thought a lot about one thing in particular. I’ve been thinking about being used.

Being tied up and objectified, tortured, teased, abused, fucked and everything else you can imagine.

To be treated like an animal and I don’t mean puppy or pony play.

I’ve been fantasizing about being tied or chained standing up, whipped, punched, clamped, gagged, bent over and fucked. Torn to shreds until I’m on my knees and then finally allowed to taste her. Maybe being teased the entire time until I’m allowed to fuck her or get fucked by her until she’s satisfied and we’re both drained.

I have so much pent up sexual and non-sexual energy, I just need a release. I need to be pushed..far and hard.

So yeah, that’s what I’ve been thinking about lately.

How Much Pain Can You Take?

“How much pain can you take?”

Such an odd question. A great question though, since it hopefully comes from a person who’s thinking about testing just how much I can take.

How do I answer that?

“Lots?”

One person might consider me a pain-slut while another might think of me as a total pussy (to this I always say “you are what you eat”).

I’ve been told I’m a masochist, but it’s not like I have a large sample of opinions on the subject.

I’ve sometimes been tempted to ask what kind of pain since there are many different kinds I have yet to try.

If I’m bound I seem to be able to take more. I think. Maybe it’s just because I like bondage. I’d probably do lots of things more if I could be bound while doing them.

The correct response is probably “How much do you like to give?”.

A number of people have asked me if pain and giving oral are the only things I’m into. This couldn’t be further from the truth. I probably at the top of my mind lately though since sadists are so hard to come by and it’s a a curiosity that has me a bit beside myself.

I mean, I know why I like bondage, I know why I like a lot of things. But I still don’t know why I’m curious about CBT and a million other forms of pain/torture.

I recently joined this BDSM social networking site Fetlife. On it they have a list of kinks that you can check off and show your degree of interest. As I went through the list I kept shaking my had at how much there is that I have yet to try. I also found a few things I had never even considered before.

I only recently discovered the joys of being whipped. Holy fuck is that amazing. If half of my curiosities are as amazing as being whipped I’m in big trouble. Holy fuck that’s addicting.

Even though I loved it I still don’t know how much I can take. How does one measure that?

What is the best answer to that question? What answer does a dominant woman want to hear? What turns her on most?

“Lots”

“Buches”

“A Plethora of Pain”

“How much would you like?”