I’m Submissive, Not A Doormat

Playing (in this context) makes me feel strangely non-gendered, it’s almost as though crossing the power dynamic/behavior lines of social acceptability puts me into a mental state of all sorts of social acceptability line-crossings. Gender is on my mind all the time anyway, so it’s as though crossing that line of what’s sexually acceptable makes me feel less gendered because the context of gender (sex) is being so seriously fucked with. I end up with a general sense of deviance, non-femininity, non-masculinity, just a whole bunch of sexual energy and exploration (added to this gender-position-confusion is the fact that I love pegging guys more than I like most things in life). I think that’s part of why I like this kind of play – it takes me so far from the definitions of things that I am better able to examine and analyze myself as a person rather than as a woman/girl/etc.

I also hate to admit that I feel really smug when I talk to vanilla people (I am referring to people that hold the belief that sex happens in very specific and particular ways and that any sex that falls outside those specified acts is wrong, weird, and not something they’d ever consider trying. To me, vanilla is a mindset/personality, not a set of sexual practices) about sex. I know I’m having better sex than they are. While they judge me and call me a freak or mentally ill, I get to have 10+ orgasms in a single sex session. Who really gets the better end of that deal?

I admire the way you handled those situations. You obviously have a firm grip on the idea that its the way you tenaciously pursue your desires and ideals that requires and demonstrates your strength, not what your particular desires happen to be. Hold onto that thought when faced with this sort of ignorance.

hello,

i’m a first time reader, following an array of back links until coming across this post. reading thoughts suchs as yours and Mystress & paladin provides some amazing insight.

i have to admit, even though i am a submissive myself, my own thoughts on submissive men have mirrored your “friends”. even though i’ve been in/out of the bdsm realm for 10+ years, i am woefully naive and uninformed in this area apparently.

whereas before i thought there were none. now there are now two submissive men who i feel are confident, sexy, hot and most definitely masculine.

it’s all about a learning experience. thank you for the enlightenment! =)

hugs, elle

Hi, was searching and found your blog. Needing some direction. Have recently met an incredible man that I’m totally into. He’s a sub and looking for an owner. I have no experience tho have dabbled lightly in alternative play. But was coming at it from a sub position myself. I’m a dominant woman tho so I could probably get into having him submissive to me. He’s not into pain. Just a strong guy that needs to unwind and this is his path. Any suggestions for me for reading to understand what he desires? Articles, books, blogs, or just personal insight?

Thanks and happy holidays,
Marcy

Lots of Fantastic information in your posting, I bookmarked your site so I can visit again in the future, Cheers, Rossie Roadcap

Interesting post, and some wonderful replies. While I was still vanilla, and even while I started my foray into kink, I thought a lot of things were a little too freaky(at least for me, subjective remember). Keeping an open mind let’s you come to terms with a lot of interesting possibilities.

While I’m not submissive It’s always interesting to see the confidant, powerful people (Men & Women) who find a release and satisfaction from handing over control to another(s) for even a short time. It doesn’t make them ‘less’ than others, it merely shows their capacity for accepting who they are while meeting their own needs.

I don’t go out of my way to tell anyone what I get up to in private, but equally I don’t give a toss for their opinions anyway. In some ways I’m even more experimental than the average submissive because we often have threesomes with a male school friend of mine and the double wamy dominance is electric. I agree that dominance and submission is much more than being male and female it’s about energy. A powerful session puts something back into the universe. I certainly don’t feel 2nd class because I’m a submissive male. Quite the reverse.